Title: social circles, the divorce brings shame to

                                    Title:

                                    Why divorce
rate is increasing in Pakistan.

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Introduction:

The divorce rate in pakistan’s society is increasing day by
day. In karachi in 2010, the  total of
40,410 divorce cases were reported in court. 
In Pakistani social circles, the 
divorce  brings shame to the
family and becomes the defining aspect of the individuals involved.

The following case that I found: Rachel was ‘happily
married’ just like any other woman when her husband announced to her that he
wished to get a divorce. He was tired of their marriage, and had now fallen in
love with another woman. Left no choice, Rachel accepted the divorce, and four
(4) weeks was unable to sleep, eat or focus on work. She began to have panic
attacks. Her children suffered from insomnia and their performance in school
spoiled.

Almost 150 to 180 divorce cases are reported in courts daily
in Lahore . Here I briefly review the reasons for and repercussions of this
high divorce rate.

 

One of these reasons is getting married at an early age;
people are presumably more mature and better at handling marital challenges in
their late 20s or 30s, than when they are just stepping into adulthood. In 2013
in Gujranwala, out of 4000 to 5000 couples who applied for divorce, 3000
couples had been married early and in haste (Parveen, 2010). Financial problems
too may strain marriages, especially in lower or middle class families.
Additionally, the joint family system cause to disputes with in-laws.

Working women who are financially independent are making the
cause in unfulfilling marriages, and may also be less interested in making
compromises to make the marriage ‘work’. Extramarital love affairs are yet
another lead-up to divorce.

                                                Abstract

Causes:

Here are some causes that are mainly caused for divorce.
More than one manner. Women are believed to be mannequins that must bear and
adhere to what ever  is thrown their way
by their counterparts. This leads to domestic abuse, in the form of verbal,
physical and mental torture. That, forcing the woman to seek separation or
divorce from her husband

Results: The divorce rate among adults ages 50 and older
doubled between 1990 and 2010. Roughly 1 in 4 divorces in 2010 occurred to
persons ages 50 and older. Demographic characteristics, economic resources, and
the marital biography were associated with the risk of divorce in 2010. The
rate of divorce was 2.5 times higher for those in remarriages versus first
marriages while the divorce rate declined as marital duration rose.

Implications: The traditional focus of gerontological
research on widowhood must be expanded to include divorce as another form of
marital dissolution. Over 600,000 people ages 50 and older got divorced in
2010, but little is known about the predictors and consequences of divorces
that occur during middle and later life.

The Significance of Later Life Divorce

  I happened to have
an inxredibly appalling conversation with a male friend the other day. It
pretty much went like this;

But, to my surprise, his response didn’t really shock me.
Even so, his comments still ring in my head. I was amazed at how an educated
and sensible man like him could pass such a judgement. Unfortunately, we’ve
been moulded to think divorced women are off limits. They just don’t stand a
chance in the ‘marriage market’ we’re all so well acquainted with.

When I logged onto my Facebook account a few days ago, one
of the first few things I spotted on my news-feed was a video of a divorced
girl who was sharing her story. As I scrolled down, the very next post, which
was shared by a friend, was also about divorce. I was moved by their stories;
it’s not easy being a female divorcee, especially in Pakistan.

Over the past two decades, the divorce rate in Pakistan has
significantly increased but our reaction to it hasn’t changed at all. It’s one
of the most painful and devastating times for the couple, as well as the
families involved. But, I personally feel that life becomes more of a living
hell for women.

People’s reasons for refusing divorced women for marriage
stem out of complete ignorance and stupidity. They find the most inane reasons
to disregard divorced women as a prospect for marrying.

For instance: she drove her husband away within the first
month.

Or better yet: she might have a loose character  that’s probably why she’s divorced.

It gets better.

Some go as far as to say that her degree or her job is the
problem; that’s why she wasn’t and will never be capable of being a homemaker.

What’s worse is that women (the victims) themselves are
perpetuators of this viciousness. They don’t stop to think it could happen to
anyone, maybe their own daughters or sisters. Such allegations are completely
immoral and being the devout Muslims we claim to be, we must be extremely
careful before we speak especially, when it comes to dishonouring a woman.
Before raising a finger at a divorced woman, think about your daughter, sister,
mother or aunt. Be mindful about “exposing” them to the world. Feel their
vulnerability, empathise with the mental trauma that they have faced, or are
continuing to face.

In our society, a woman is usually held responsible for a
broken marriage. She is blamed, insulted, and ridiculed, while men go scot
free. Men usually get a new life partner within months, years or in some cases,
days. However, women can’t shrug off the label of ‘divorcee’ as easily; their
label becomes more of a social stigma. For this reason they either choose to
remain divorcees or take a really long time before ever opening up to the idea
of remarrying.

Because let’s face it; why would society accept a woman who
has been with another man and gone through divorce? That’s not how it works. We
only want young and unmarried girls as prospective suitors.

And to be honest, most men don’t really want to marry a
divorced woman either. Even if they do, either the family opposes or the ‘log
kya kahay gei’ (what will people say) factor will kick in.

               DIVORCE AS A SOCIAL PROBLEM

 

Divorce ratio is higher today then compared to rates just 15
years ago: The causes of divorce vary from couple to couple but the research
done on the causes of divorce by different researchers shows that

 Lack of communication.

is one of the leading causes of divorce. The divorces often
happen when people rarely discuss their expectations in details and are less
willing to work on their marriages and would like quick solution rather than
having to resolve issues. People who come from divorced homes are more likely to
get divorced than people who come from happily married household. divorce seem
less like a big deal if one has seen his parents go through with it: People who
get married between the ages of 23-27 are likely to stay together, than people
who get married in their teens:

Some other causes of divorce are

 Communication problem:

A marriage can not work when the lines of communication
fails one can not have effective relationship if either one of the spouses
won’t discuss his or her feelings can not talk about his personal issue and
expect his partner to goes what the whole problem is about.

 Financial issues

Money or aspects related to it is a possible cause of
disagreement between couples married couple could conflict over such issues as
shared financial responsibility, unequal financial status, undisclosed
financial state: Over spending and lack of financial support evidence suggests
that money is not always a primary cause of divorce but it is still a
significant factor:

Forms of
abuse:

There are many forms of abuse all of which are possible
causes of divorce: this does not just include intentional and habitual,
physical abuse, it may also come in the form of emotional abuse one partner may
actively seek to degrade his or her partner through harsh language.

Drug and alcohol abuse as well as excessive gambling may
also be used to a form of abuse there may be no physical or verbal abuse but
the other partner would understandably have, managing finances and daily life
with an addicted spouse.

Incompatibility:

This is one of the causes of divorce there are many kinds
and forms of incapability of couple may be incompatible in anything and every
thing they may not be able to find a common ground. Intellectually and
emotionally. In case of incompatibility it might just be unbearable to live
life if some one with you just not fit it.

Effects:

There are many areas where man and woman are affected by
divorce with more than 30 years of research now it is known that most rarely
lead to a better life. Life expectancies (maximum age) for divorce man and
women are significantly lower than for married people who have the longest life
expectancies:

 

 

Discussion:

Typically a marriage always starts from a happy note. Both
partners are falling in love with each other and early marriage life is really
beautiful. They feel that they are really blessed to have found a perfect
partner in life. Many couples experience negative changes in their marriages
after several years when they start living together and come to know about each
other’s habits. Their early happy married lives are replaced by many arguments
and fights. The couple cannot live together without having an argument under
one roof and when things become unbearable for both than they decide to go for
divorce.

“AND IF YOU FEAR THAT THE TWO (I.e) Husband and wife) may
not be able to keep the limits ordered by ALLAH, there is no blame on either of
them if she redeems herself (from marriage tie) Surah Al Baqarah:

The rate of divorce is increasing in Pakistan from the last
few decades. In the past, the word ‘divorce’ was unheard in Pakistani society
and it was considered a shame. Pakistan is a conservative country and the word
‘divorce’ comes with a stigma attached to it. Many women who are unhappy will
not opt for divorce because of the ‘label’ attached to it. Previously women had
to compromise due to various reasons; financial burden, social pressure from
society and lack of family support because of that they will remain in an
unhappy marriage and will not go for divorce. Parents were also not supportive
and when a girl was getting married the first thing they will induce in mind of
a girl that you have to compromise no matter what the circumstances are. But
things are not the same anymore, mind sets are changing. The most important
factor which is contributing in high rate of divorce in Pakistan is financial
independence of women, lack of compromise from both sides and intolerant
attitude. Women are acquiring higher education and contributing their due share
in every sector of society and they are not a burden anymore. Working women who
are financially strong are less willing to work on their marriages and can
quickly opt for divorce. When a woman is financially strong she doesn’t feel
the need to compromise on worst marital relationship.

Women in Pakistan are not the scapegoat of men anymore and
they don’t tolerate the dominance of men. Social change has played a vital role
in changing the backward mentality of people about women empowerment. Women are
able to support their living without anyone’s help. They are fully aware about
their rights and know the way to defend them.

The rate of divorce is higher among educated families,
although such laws had been made which totally support women seeking divorce
and the whole procedure has been made easier. Although Pakistan is a male
dominating society and men want their wives to stay at home, look after their
children and want them not to think about their career. Sometimes this
situation becomes worse due to lack of compromise from both sides and
egotistical attitude. Lack of tolerance and compromise among couples plays a
vital role in increase in rate of divorce in Pakistan. Compromise is a key
factor which can make life easier and save from destruction.

 

Firstly, commitment is a very important thing. Marriage is
not an easy task, and so one must take some time to get to know the other
person. If marriage takes place after a very short time period of meeting and
getting to know each other, some very crucial details about one another can be
overlooked. Therefore, to reduce this risk, decisions should not be made in a
hurry and more time should be spent in getting to know the person better.
Showing tolerance towards each other is also very important. Patience is the
key to any successful marriage.

Forced marriages and early marriages are a reality in
Pakistan thus, this needs to be stopped. Marriage is a big decision in one’s
life, and should be taken, only when one is mature enough to handle all that
comes with it. Compromise is very important, and without it no marriage can
succeed. Nowadays, individuals are impatient and this leads to the end of
relationships. Compromise can reduce such a thing from occurring.

 

Conclusion:

          Another
psychiatrist Najeeb Zaheer said Pakistan and western cultural invasion is
aggravating the situation. He said women who watch TV channels want to buy
costly items at all cost, sometimes at the expense of their marriage. He said
husband’s ego also play a role in an increasing number of divorces. He said
divorced couple’s children live an unhealthy life and therefore parents should
have to realize that they have a responsible of their children’s condition.
“Marriage is a major decision in anyone’s life, and should be taken, only when
one is mature enough to handle all that comes with it. Forced marriages and
early marriages are a reality in Pakistan and need to be stopped,” he said.

Atique whose parents separated when he was only three years
old said, “I could never understand why parents moved for divorce. Parents
should think about their children as well as taking such decisions.” Momina,
25, who parents separated when she was a child, blamed third party interference
for increasing divorces. She said couples should sort out their problems on
their own, rather than allowing someone else to interfere in their marriage
lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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